Sunday, December 30, 2007

Lunch


Have a lunch at Sainsbury after sorting out my phone bills. I got free web browsing for a month. This post is my first try to blog via the phone

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Eid ul-Adha

Selamat Hari Raya
kita raikan jemaah haji,
moga mereka mendapat haji mabrur
kita doakan korban mereka diterima Allah
dan mereka selamat bertemu Allah
dalam keadaan suci dari dosa

mudah-mudahan,
kita juga termasuk dalam golongan
yang diterima menjadi tetamu Allah di tanah suci
dan layak melangkah
ke dalam jannah

Saturday, December 15, 2007

As a traveller



I dont' consider myself well-travelled. Look at the map above and you know how few places that I have been (areas covered in red). And even then, it is hugely overestimated. I have been to only two provinces in Canada. During my stay in the UK, I hope to put more red marks in the European continent. Thank you to the people at http://www.world66.com/

Thursday, December 13, 2007

NVivo

I'm trying to learn to use NVivo. I use the tutorials at http://www.sagepub.co.uk/richards/ . It's not easy to comprehend. I can follow the tasks and actions. But I'm not really sure what they mean. More important, I'm not sure how I am suppose to use it for my research. I guess, when I have my own data, and more exposure to qualitative research, then I can understand it.

If anyone has knowledge and skills of using Nvivo, please contact me. Thank you in advance.

Jaguar


I was aiming for an apple, but caught a feline creature instead.
This semi-planned purchase was made at the Shires, in Leicester. Never heard of Jaguar perfumes before. But the price was right, and the smell is good. I've been using it a few times now, and i can say that I'm happy with it.
I'll recalibrate my target, and hope to snatch a green BeDelicious apple soon. Boxing Day sale, perhaps?

No, it is not raining


This is also a view from my room's window. The condensation provided me another opportunity to add materials for my blog. It was not in any way related to how I feel when I took it. But, upon seeing the picture, I felt a certain longing that tugged at my heart.
I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I pray that Allah protects you wherever and with whomever you are. Be brave my boy.

View from my window




Alang-alang dapat update nih, meh aku update dua tiga serentak. I took these pics a number of weeks ago. These are the views from my window at my current house. The backyard is quite big. But I don't see much productive use of it. The day that I took the picture was particularly bright. It brightened up my day. I wish the window can allow me to see beyond the horizon, so that I can find the faces that I have stored in my heart.

RuangAku

I don're really get it. I've opened a MySpace account a few years ago. And I very rarely use it. I even have forgotten the password at one time. I just don't see how I'm going to make use of it.

I'm amazed to see some people having hundreds of friends. Firstly, do they actually befriends those friends? How on earth do they have time to corresponds to so many people? Can you even remember all of the different, and sometimes chaning, profiles?

Secondly, assuming they do keep in touch with their friends, what is the quality of friendship that they establish? Is it really satisfying? Or, could it be having a list of over 1000 friends is satisfying on its own?

Perhaps, that's why I don't have a huge network of close friends. I prefer to small a small, and meaningful one. But I do pine to meet new people who can help me chart new territories. I want to expand my space.

Komputer oh Komputer

Mengapa
kau buat ikut suka
adakah kau mempunyai random event generator
menghalang aku nak update blog?

kau bagi masuk
dan kadang-kadang kau terus tutup
tanpa ada salam mahupun alarm
adakah kau sebenarnya artifical intelligence
yang suka melihat blog aku bersawang?

Apa-apa jer la
walaupun kau tak collaborate
aku tak kisah, teruskan menaip
sebab aku boleh jalan-jalan, pergi boxing day sale
sedangkan kau akan duduk atas meja
tak ke mana-mana
dan aku akan tarik plug dari soket
berkawan la dengan spider
masa cuti Krismas nanti; padan muka

Friday, November 30, 2007

Outside of the office


These picture is taken outside of my office. Now you can enjoy the view without the glare or reflection that's quite obvious in the previous post.

Office
















This is the entrance to where I work, hereafter referred to as "the office".
































This is my personal office space.







And these are the view from my office. I took the picture from behind a glass window.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Mencarimu


































I was searching for you. But you're not here. I tried to reach out and feel you. But what I touched is a shadow. Am I a shadow too?

Ada Apa Dengan Bulan

Mata lepas memandang bulan
kaki di bumi terikat jua
hati rindu padamu tuan
bila lagi dapat bersua

Dinner at Harvester

Dinner was at Harvester last night. It is cosy nice restaurant. I forgot to take the pic of the main course. But one of the pic is a clue to what I had for dinner.












































Thursday, November 22, 2007

Triathlon

Yesterday, I pushed myself to another level. I was into the second day of the exercise plan designed by my instructor, Alex. I was supposed to do a sort of triathlon for my cardio-day.

When I was with Clark-Hatch, I would run for a maximum of like 12 minutes, whatever distance that may be covered. But yesterday, I was assigned a goal to complete 2km onthe treadmill. Alhamdulillah, I managed to achieve the goal in 16:10. Whew.. now I know I can pass the running part of the BTN test fair and square.

Next was the arm bike, something I did not know existed. Someone was using it when I was done with the treadmill. So, I spend the waiting time on stretching. I did 2km on the arm bike in 6 minutes. Then it was the cycle. It was my fastest. I cycled 2 km in 4 minutes something.

The hardest part of yesterday's exercise was doing the plank. I can't get to stay still during the third leg of each of the plank set. It looked easy, but the strain is unbearable. I hope I can do the plank for one minute within two weeks time.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

House & Office
















Not really a puzzle as to which picture is my office and which is my house. My house is the unit on the left. My office is under the second 'wave'. They call the building 'Wavy Top'. Give 3 cheers to the person(s) responsible with giving the very creative name.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Main Goal

My scholarship's contract ends on 30 September 2010. I aim, before the said date, to Pass my PhD viva Without Correction.

May Allah give me the strength and support to achieve this goal.

Monday, November 05, 2007

A whirwind of travelling

Almost a week already. My host, and his fiancé, has been very kind to include me in their outings. In the six days I was here, I’ve been travelling a lot.
One the second day, we went to Ikea in Nottingham. On the fifth, we went to a retail shop at Swindon. I did not think that I was going to buy so much things. It started off very modestly with a £1 snow cap. Then it sort of avalanched to other purchases. Well, my ‘elaun pakaian panas’ is truly used up in Swindon.
The very next day, we, and two other friends, braved the cold and foggy morning to shop at a car boot sale in Maesham. Again, my frame of work was to buy ‘functional’ items. But, my purchases also included (picture) frames. I hope to be able to print the picture of my loved ones and put them in the frames.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Seribu tahun



Dah dapat ruang kerja di HEPSRU (Healthcare Ergonomics and Patient Safty Research Unit). Di sinilah aku perlu berjuang untuk 3 tahun lagi. Rindu yang ada dalam dada harap dapat dibendung selama itu juga.

La ni minat dengar lagi Seribu Tahun, Imran Ajmain, yang tak pernah diketahui kewujudannya sebelum ini. Bisakah menunggu Seribu Tahun lagi?

(gambar diambil semasa menunggu train di St Pancras Station, London)

Jet lag?


Hari kedua di Loughborough. Beberapa kali ayah terjaga masa tidur. Akhirnya, ayah bangun pada pukul 5 pagi. Sempat juga la meneguk susu dan air sebagai sahur. InsyaAllah, ayah nak tunaikan puasa enam di sini. Ayah telah bernazar untuk berpuasa 7 hari kalau mahkamah membenarkan ayah atau atuk dan opah menjaga Marwan; nampaknya puasa 7 hari itu belum dapat dilaksanakan.
Ayah pasti Marwan suka naik train dari London St Pancras Station ke Loughborough. Keretapinya cantik, nampak macam keretapi komuter. Laju betul. Pemandangan sepanjang perjalanan pun cantik juga. Ada banyak padang ragut dan ladang. I can see geese, horses, sheeps, and cows. Langit cerah. Sinar matahari menyerlahkan lagi warna kuning dan merah pada daun-daun yang akan luruh di musim luruh ini. Di langit ayah nampak bulan. Walaupun sudah pukul 10 pagi, bulan masih sudi menemani ayah. Bulan itu jugalah yang menemani Marwan dan insan-insan yang ayah sayang di Malaysia.
Dalam train, ada seorang lelaki yang (sangat) tinggi duduk di sebelah ayah. Dia macam ayah, sedang buat PhD. Tapi, dia buat di Nottingham dalam bidang matematik. Katanya, dia berasal dari Republik Chezck. Dia dah kawin, tapi belum ada anak lagi. Macam sedih nada suaranya bila dia cakap dia blum ada anak. Alhamdulillah, ayah ada seorang anak yang ayah sangat sayang. Walaupun jauh, ayah tetap ada Marwan. Moga Allah melindungi Marwan di mana jua Marwan berada.
Sebaik sampai di Lboro, kawan ayah tolong ayah mendaftar. Maka, dengan rasminya ayah bergelar seorang student semula. Heheh..

On Arrival

Ayah dah sampai di London. Ayah tengah tunggu keretapi MidlandMainline ke Loughborough. Tadi ayah dah call kawan ayah untuk beritahu keratapi ayah akan bertolak pukul 9:30 pagi. Cuaca sejuk juga, tapi tak de la sampai ayah perlu keluarkan jaket musim sejuk. Bila bernafas, boleh nampak wap air keluar dari mulut.
Masa di airport Heathrow tadi, lama juga baru ayah boleh keluar. Dah la queue pemeriksaan passport panjang, ayah kena buat x-ray dada on the spot pulak. Bila keluar dari airport, hari dah siang pun. Mulanya ayah nak naik bas, tapi last minute ayah decide nak naik keretapi. Keretapi dari Heathrow ke St Pancrass Station satu line, so tak perlu tukar train. Tu yang buat ayah decide nak naik keretapi. Lagipun, ayah macam Marwan juga, suka naik keretapi.
Masa di KLIA semalam, ayah minta maaf sebab tak dapat kawal emosi ayah. Mudah benar kesedihan yang Marwan tunjukan berjangkit pada ayah. Ayah nak Marwan tahu yang ayah memang sayang Marwan. Dekat pun sayang, jauh pun ayah sayang. Buat masa ni kita berjauhan, tapi Marwan tetap di hati ayah.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Jiwang di Ulu Sepri

Mudik ke hulu dalam sampan
bawa bekal beras bertampi
semat rindu padamu tuan
buat bekal ke alam mimpi

Dikerat-kerat pohon meranti
tak kan dapat tumbuh melata
telah tersemat di dalam hati
dirimu tuan tidak ku lupa

Kayu jati digilap bersih
buat tiang ukiran melati
dalam hati terpahat kasih
simpan sayang sampai ke mati

Cenderawasih terbang berkawan
hinggap datang atas tandu
hamba kasih padamu tuan
mengapa jarang mengutus rindu

Ingin berlagu di dinihari
mengintai bulan tidak jelas
mengirim rindu berhari-hari
sayangnya tuan tidak membalas

Ole-ole BTN

Untuk jurulatih, penceramah & fasilitator BTN, khas untuk Pak Wan dan Ir Zawawi,

Jasamu tuan kepada kami
besar nilainya kepada bangsa
kasih tercipta sayang bersemi
bersama berjuang untuk Malaysia

Lesen ke UK


Ini la dia sijil yang aku dapat daripada 5 hari berkursus di Ulu Sepri. Sijil inilah lesen untuk aku ke UK.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Tests

ON the first day of Ramadhan, I was on leave. However, I still went to the office, and the day felt very much like a full working day.

In the morning, I prepared the handover of course files; making sure the documents are in place. I gave the course files to the Head of the Course Offering Committee. Then I drove to Putrajaya to collect the scholarship offer letter. It was my mistake of not taking the correct address that I went to the wrong building. But, Alhamdulillah, I managed to find the correct location of the office, and met Cik, not Puan, Shalizah in person after communicating with her on the phone the past few days. What I did not really expect was that there was much more than an offer letter that she gave me. Lots of forms to fill up. Lots of tasks to perform. And all have to be done within the next week.

On the way back to work, I got a text message from my friend, also a former student at UMS; he wanted to return my books. Because his office is on my way to work, I volunteered to drop by his office and collect the books myself. So, I met him at his office, and felt proud. I felt as if I have contributed something towards his success now.

His office is very close to a masjid. I can hear the call for Zuhr prayer when I was at his office. After excusing myself, I drove to the masjid. The congregation were performing supplication. There were a lot of religious education students there. I tried to imagine Marwan being one of them. What if he were to be sent to a boarding school at this age? Would he be able to take care of himself? I was, and am, very apprehensive on entertaining those thoughts.

Alhamdulillah, the drive to and fro Putrajaya was without major incident. A number of minor incidents happened though that my impatient driver persona tried to rear its ugly head. Fortunately, being in the first day of Ramadhan, I quickly checked myself after each incident, telling myself that “I am fasting”.

Back at the office, more tests awaited me. When I was photocopying the documents I got from Shazilah, the Head of Department asked me about the course files. Apparently, I was supposed to hand over the course files to the Department, not the Course Offering Committee Head. My proactive stance with regard to the hand over back fired. But I did not felt too bad, because I can imagine that the consequences of being reactive, or inactive, would have been much worse. I tried to prioritise the welfare of the students implicated in the hand over. If along the way I ruffled a few feathers, I sincerely apologise. “I am fasting.”

With time to spare before the 3:30 class, I went to the bank to inquire the hiccups in the repayment of my housing loan. It seemed that I am in arrears of the monthly instalment. How could that be? I am paying my loan through salary deduction. Confusion built up. The details of the past payment showed that my salary cut was not the same amount as what the bank stipulated. August payment has not been made (hey! It’s the middle of September already, man). I decided to make a voluntary extra payment, in addition to the fire insurance policy premium, to reduce the likelihood of being caught in the same situation again. I felt that it is grossly unfair that I am being penalized – RM10 for every reminder letter from the bank, and my credit rating is affected – for the incompetence made by another party. But, knowing how things work, or rather not work, I felt it is better that I personally rectify the problem. I can’t depend on whoever is in charge of the loan payment. (Note: there were 12 other people at work who complained, on this same day, on the same issue.)

While waiting for my turn to make payment at the bank counter, I went to the lab. I was hoping the students would be, well, proactive and started the class without me. But when I went there, they were waiting outside the lab. No one had taken the initiative to get the key from the Department and open the lab. “I am fasting.” So, I made the point that I am on LEAVE, and they should be on their own (hand over is not complete yet) because I have given them enough to run the (fourth) experiment. After a brief briefing, I returned to the bank.

Because my turn at the counter involved more than a few minutes worth of waiting, I took the opportunity to call the Jabatan Kehakiman Syariah Selangor. I talked to the Penolong Pendaftar to ask for advice on my pending case. She sounded very nice. But the picture that she painted for my scenario was not all bright and rosy. There is a big question mark for the case. It can go either way. Is there a point in being proactive on this matter?

When the banking matters were done, I went to the Health Centre to do a medical check up. Of course, I had expected of not being able to do so on the spot. I made an appointment for next Thursday. Hopefully, by that time, I would know definitively whether I should request the same procedure for Marwan or not. I really hope and pray that the judge, or some other people in authority, would clear the path for Marwan to follow me to Loughborough.

When I popped the possibility of him not following me to ‘London’, he protested. I can’t bear to look at his face when he was, obviously, thinking about it. I so dearly wanted to be by his side, always. My heart shrank when I imagine the opposite. And that is the biggest test for me today.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Dreams

Dreams.....

... I was looking for a place to stay. I soon were walking past buildings that reminds me of London.

... Marwan and I were playing in the snow when snow started to fall.

[Someone dreamt that Marwan and I were at the airport.]

...I met David Beckham

Are all of these signs that I'm going overseas soon? Will they be realities? I don't mind if the last one did not materialise :-)

BTW, last night Marwan told his mummy that "adik nak pergi London." Kena buat paspot dulu adik ya....

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Another day of waiting

It starts to feel like forever. Ya Allah....tambahkanlah kesabaranku. The hardest part is, I have no specific object/person to be held responsible for the long wait.

And how do I answer questions when I don't have the answer? Went for a study leave interview today. I can't say I have an offer letter already, because I don't. And how do I answer questions like "When are you going?". If things were up to me, I would have left already.


Alas, I have another day to wait.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

TUNGGU

Menunggu lerai dari tangkai
buah jatuh ke tanah rata
bilakah penantian akan terungkai
sudah lama menunggu berita

Jangan diusik daun semalu
nanti layu semua daunnya
khabar berbisik di angin lalu
senyum tak senyum dibuatnya

Buah gajus disusun rapat
hendak diberi orang kelana
kata putus belumpun dapat
setiap pagi gundah gulana

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Ads in Bangkok


Terkejut gak bila mula2 baca ads ni. Bila dah faham, tersenyum sorang-sorang. Tak leh cuba dulu ya?
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Monday, May 14, 2007

Selamat Ulang Tahun

Marwan,

You're five years old today. I pray that you get the best things in this life to secure a resting place in jannah. You are among the best things in my life. And I hope you would help me to secure my resting place jannah.

With much love,
Ayah.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Huh?

"Do biological factors produce or intensify emotions?"
My student answered, "yes".

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Travellers


One is mine, the other is not
both have stories to tell
of their short journey
and the dreams that they have

For all the uplifting events
both have experienced the bads
some may say they have their misfortunes
but then, I'd say, they are tested differently

My prayers are for both
to turn up stronger
and fly
into His welcoming embrace
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Kenkawan

Semenjak dua menjak ni... timbul rasa nak jumpa kenkawan dari zaman persekolahan. Siapakah mereka sekarang? Dah ada berapa orang anak? Masih ingat aku lagi? Kamarul. Jamazlan. Salehuddin. Yusni (masih manis macam dulu?). Guys and girls from lower six Clifford 1993. Korang kat mana?

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Cukai

Selepas berhempas pulas, dan dua kunjungan ke pejabat LHDN Wangsa Maju, akhirnya e-filing disiapkan. The experience using e-filing was not all that sweet and satisfying. 1) Phone calls to get the PIN were futile. As the line was 'sangat sibuk', my calls were automatically and immediately disconnected. What, no 'terima kasih' for trying?2) Trying to get the digital signature was another hassle. I couldn't register my password for the signature. Apparently, it was due to ActiveX control setting. I've tried, at two different computers. And the 'Hlep' functions was not helpful at all. I was supposed to click a 'kotak kuning' to download the ActiveX control. But there was no 'kotak kuning' to be found on my screen. Windows that were supposed to open did not materialised. The online Help was not relevant to my problem. Perhaps the author of the Help did not predict this problem. (Hey.. did you guys conducted any user study before you launch this system?)3) The interface for accessing the Borang E was equally confusing. The terms used for 'password' doesn't have much resemblence to it. If I were doing it on my own, and not prompted by the nice LHDN lady, I'd probably typed the wrong thing in the password box. The choice of word was so bad that I could not remember the words. So, the human touch is the much needed oil for this 'online' machinery to work. I hope LHDN will employ an HCI expert to remove kinks and problems in the system. Then they can proudly and rightly claim that the system is easy to use.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Balancing


You'll learn the lows and highs
the blacks and whites are not necessarily bright
you have to train your eyes
to see which color is right

You'll also see and feel
demands from left and right
and if I were not there to steady your heel
remember to ask from Allah, day and night
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Linking

Mmm... rasa malas la pulak nak upload gambar kat blog ni. Semalam dapat upload gambar ke flickr. So.. kalau nak nengok gambor Marwan kat Tasik Titiwangsa, please follow the link on the right panel.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Photoshoot at Tasik Titiwangsa

We had a very nice morning last Saturday. Arman, our neighbour, wanted Marwan to model for him. Check out the photos at
http://www.dreamy-studio.com/galleries/portraiture/marwan/index.php

InsyaAllah, I'll post photos that I took soon.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Monday, April 02, 2007

Seketika

Untuk seketika yang ada
kita berbicara
kecil-kecilan
dan menyimpan
soalan perasaan

Di seketika yang ada
kita merenung
yang ada di depan mata
dan mengabaikan
segala curiga

Seketika yang ada
untuk kita bermesra
bukan mengungkit derita

Play time
















Watching you enjoy your time is a joy.

Harapan

Kau berikan aku
seruntai harapan
di hening malam

izinkan aku
menjalinya di hamparan mimpi
agar aku tidak
direnjati realiti
bila pagi
kau pergi

Thursday, March 29, 2007

You see me looking up because I'm praying for strength, to pick you up and help you to stand tall.
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Moga kau terus dapat berteduh di bawah redupku. Dan moga aku melebarkan rendang, meluarkan ruang selesamu.
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Sometimes, you need to believe that you are bigger than some people.
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Renangan



Berikan aku ruang untuk berenang menghampirimu

Friday, March 16, 2007

a conclusion

Alhamdulillah.. another semester of teaching has concluded. And, fortunately, today is also the end of a week that had seen me infuriorated by students. The phrase "kepala hotak kamu" was uttered loudly and silently so many times that I lost count.

This was a semester that .....
I taught two courses: one a repeat from previous semesters, another a new course.
I learned many new things by teaching a new course.
I was sick more than usual.
I dealt with immature mature students and mature immature students.
I barred three students from the final examination.
I did not show care for students who showed lack of interest or were sleeping in class or both.
I forced students in two class to write my full name 100 times.
I got two students who scored 58/60 in an exam - twice!
I got an email (from a student?) to express his/her concern for my health (see.. I told you I was sick more than usual).
I got angry at one student in the class room... in front of others. Kepala hotak kamu! (I marvel at the new level of stupidity and rudeness that I saw this semester)

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Reconnection

To have a mania episode in the morning is rare nowadays. And on the day that I felt physically weak, the manic-inducing event is greatly appreciated.

On the previous day, I shoot an email, not fully knowing the receiver is the correct person. I don't even know he's in alam dun-ya or barzakh. So, the next morning, I wasn't expecting much when I opened my email account. But, alhamdulillah, he replied. And it really was HIM.
It has been, like, 15 years since we last met. Well... we met only that one time. But we have kept in contact up to undergrad times. However, since graduation, we didn't keep up with writing to each other. Unbeknownst to me, he also tried to contact me when I was in Sabah. As he put it, 'lady luck' wasn't on our side that time.

Alhamdulillah, I managed to reconnect with a long lost friend. I pray that his return into my life is a blessing. He did cheered me up with his jovial email. I'm a bit nervous though. At the time of writing this post, I haven't phoned him.

He's special in a way. He had showed positive unconditional regard once. So, may be I'm 'craving' that acceptance once again, in times when I'm facing a big acceptance/rejection possibilities. All in all, it's good to be reconnected.

A Better Billboard Top 10

Here's a list of pumped up, more correct, and healthier and better music/singing groups for you.

1) Smashing GMO Pumpkin
2) Organic Black-eyed Pea
3) Ten Inch Nails
4) My ISO-9000:2000-Certified Chemical Romance
5) Filtered & Ionized Air Supply
6) The Perpetually-Rolling Stone
7) Eminem feat. Ustaz Asri (Rabbani)
8) Red Mildly-Hot Chili Peppers
9) Carrie Overwood
10) Deep Pink

Any other that you want to add to the list?

Runny day

Today is one of those days that i wish I'm at home, resting on bed, sipping a hot lemon tea.
I'm using up the tissue paper so fast today I may deplete a forest soon. My nose is runny and itchy. My eyes are also itchy. But, fortunately, my finger are also itch to update the blog. Hehehh... As people say... when life throws you a lemon, make a lemonade. Or, in my case, make a lemon tea. Have a hot one.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Birthday Present

Unlike last year, I didn't get flowers, or cakes on my birthday. But I get something with a RM450 price tag. And the value of the gift is much more than that.

I attended a seminar of resilience engineering. A lot of ideas were introduced. My own ideas are restructured as a result of that seminar. And I pray that I will get a by-product present from that seminar, which is an admission for a PhD programme. I intend to use the materials from the seminar to help me write a proposal to do a PhD. What a birthday present that will be!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Harga Pemilikan

Orang yang menyayangi serta memiliki, atau menyayangi tanpa memiliki, apabila miliknya ditarik semula, setidak-tidaknya akan masih memiliki rasa sayang. Orang yang memiliki tanpa menyayangi, bila kehilangan, akan hilang segala-galanya.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

I'm Just a Guardian


Kekadang, ayah ingin Marwan cepat besar, matang dan boleh berdikari. Adakalanya ayah tak mampu nak memberi perlindungan, perhatian dan tumpuan yang Marwan perlu atau harapkan. I want you grow so that you can take care of yourself. So that you can understand me better.


Kekadang, ayah ingin Marwan tak berubah. Biarlah Marwan manja, comey, dan daddy's son. I like it when you are being a child: innocent, pure, and depending. I treasure your special qualities. And I don't have to feel bad when you do something wrong; because you're still a child. Your smile and they way you say "ok-kay ayah" melt my heart. I like that. Wait.. it's not true. I LOVE that.


Alas, it's not up to me to say that you should grow up or stay young. What's more important is for you to be His good servant. I pray that Allah keeps you on the right and safe path to akhirah.
Love, Ayah.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Bodoh

Masa sekolah dulu, ada dengar ceramah pasal jenis-jenis kebodohan.

Ada orang tahu apa yang dia tahu - nih orang pandai.
Ada orang tahu apa yang dia tak tahu - ni orang yang bijak.
Ada orang tak tahu apa yang dia tahu - orang macam ni tak gunakan potensi diri sepenuhnya.
Ada orang tak tahu apa yang dia tak tahu - yang ni cenderung sangat untuk jadi bodoh sombong. Dah la jahil... tak sedar yang diri dia tu jahil.

Ingat kan ada empat jenis kebodohan jer. Rupa-rupanya, boleh tambah satu lagi kategori. In my life experience so far, ada terjumpa satu golongan; dia tahu yang dia tu tak tahu, tapi dia marah kalau orang lain berusaha untuk tahu perkara-perkara yang dia tak tahu.

Ya Allah.... berasap hati bila berdepan dengan orang macam ni. Kalau dah tahu diri tu kurang ilmu, tambahkanlah dengan merujuk kepada orang yang lebih tahu. Janganlah marah-marah pada orang yang nak menambahkan ilmu.

Bukanlah aku rasa diri ni pandai sangat. Tapi, kalau ko sendiri dah iktiraf ilmu aku ni lebih tinggi, bawaklah dengar-dengar cakap aku. Dan jangan marah kalau aku rujuk pada pakar. Kalau ko tak nak ikut cakap orang yang lebih berilmu, ko nak ikut cakap sapa? Ko nak aku ikut cakap ko? Ko betul-betul sedar ke yang ko tu tak tahu?

Ya Allah... selamatkanlah dan lindungilah aku dan anakku daripada kebodohan orang lain dan daripada kebodohan yang ada pada diri kami.