Thursday, July 21, 2011

awak exercise apa?

Pada zaman sekarang, ada sebuah gimnasium. Gimnasium ini dilanggani lelaki dan perempuan yang suka atau terpaksa bersenam. Di kaunter berdekatan pintu masuk, ada buku log untuk diguna mencatat kehadiran pelanggan. Buku log itu ada lajur untuk 'name', 'exercise', dan 'signature'.

Satu hari, saya membaca buku log tersebut. Saya terkejut bila melihat senarai pelanggan: Sham Kamikaze pun ada? Akukah yang bermimpi, atau pelanggan itu yang bermimpi dirinya menjadi Sham Kamikaze?

Di ruangan 'exercise' pulak, ada yang tulis 'first time'. Ok la tu. Tak Tau nak exercise apa lagi. Yang dah otai pulak (rasanyalah) letak 'hentam semua'. Dah mahir semua jenis exercise agaknya. Yang paling musykil, ada pelanggan yang letak senaman untuk 'usus kecil'. Gimnasium ke....gelanggang Raja Lawak?


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

con-sult-ant

consultants:

They take the time to analyse the situation when approached by clients. They don't jump to conclusions without trying to gather relevant data. Based on the data, they can identify what problems that the clients have. The set of the problems may or may not be the same as what the clients reported initially. That's why they have to analyse the situation first. After identifying the problems, then they offer possible solutions for the clients to consider.



con artists:

They approach potential victims. They make stories of possible problems that the victims may have. After they convince the victims that they have problems, they provide a ready-made solution. The uniqueness of the victims needs and problems are not explored. They are more interested in grabbing money from the victims.



insult'ant':

Another breed of unsolicited 'helper'. They like to find out what people are doing. Their inquisitive skills are utilised effectively. They don't care to identify what are the problems that people have. They instead focus on what people are doing (i.e. the solutions to their problems), and then gun down every single one. They are very apt at listing down what's wrong with the solutions. They insult other people by showing blatant disregard for why people do what they are doing.


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Kalau ingin mengelak daripada terjerumus dalam kerugian, berpesan-pesanlah dengan kebenaran. Gunakan data, maklumat, dan fakta yang sahih, boleh dipercayai dan releven.
Berpesan-pesanlah dengan kesabaran - be ready to spend time, energy, and mental efforts.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

boleh pencen

Berdasarkan email yang masuk folder spam, pakcik KAYOOOOO. Boleh la pakcik pencen awal.

Mamak....iPad kasi 3!

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You have a confidential message from the Cocca-Cola Online Grant, you have been awarded a grant sum of £500,000.00GBP. Please contact the Executive secretary, Mr Ricahrd Thompson.Contact E-mail: mr_XXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com.hk
for your claims ,Details: Name ,Age, Occupation, Address, Phone No.

Your email address is entitled to the sum of £560,000:00 GBP without the sale of
any ticket. send your full information to us for claim to XXXXXX@shqiptar.eu

This year's 2011 grant donation of $800,000.00 USD from Chevron Texaco
OilCompany and our Chevron Texaco foundation has been given to you. Please
Contact the remittance secretary Mr. Frank Akimbo with your Full Names, Phone number and Address for Claims.
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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Pakcik Di Depan Sogo

"aku tak boleh nampak kiblat Allah tu dengan duit"

biar miskin melata daripada bergolek-gelantang di puncak tamadun materi
lebih rela menjaja peluh daripada menggadai maruah

peluh boleh dijana kembali dengan nasi yang halal
maruah tak kan tertebus dengan seribu kesal

sports (arrested) development

Which of these we would like to come true?

1. Sir Alex Ferguson has claimed that Samir Nasri has agreed to leave Arsenal - but not to join Manchester United. He will instead join the winner of 2011 Malaysian Super League title, Kelantan. He said he is looking forward to live in Kota Bharu, and shop at Pasar Khadijah.

2. Tired of being labelled Scottish when losing, and British when winning, Andy Murray opted to adopt a new citizenship. He had applied to be a Malaysian at the Malaysian High Commission Office in London. He cited 1Malaysia spirit as the deal breaker."I hope all Malaysians can accept me as a fellow Malaysian". He declined to comment on speculations that he's considering changing his name to Andika or Anding.



Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Jelas tak?

Penjelasan SKMM mengenai isu Astro

CYBERJAYA: Suruhanjaya Komunikasi dan Multimedia Malaysia (SKMM) ingin menjelaskan mengenai pelbagai laporan yang dipaparkan oleh media mengenai keputusan Kabinet untuk tidak membenarkan stesen TV berbayar Astro untuk menaikkan kadar harga langganan.

SKMM ingin menyatakan bahawa Seksyen 199 Akta Komunikasi dan Multimedia 1998 (AKM) memberi kuasa kepada Menteri untuk campur tangan dalam menentukan harga setiap perkhidmatan yang ditawarkan demi untuk kepentingan orang ramai. Proses Siasatan Awam bukanlah pra-syarat kepada perlaksanaan seksyen Akta tersebut. Ini bercanggah dengan ulasan yang dibuat oleh beberapa media bahawa Siasatan Awam perlu diadakan sebelum Seksyen 199 di bawah AKM berkenaan penetapan harga oleh Menteri digunapakai. Mengenai Suruhanjaya Komunikasi dan Multimedia Malaysia (SKMM) SKMM adalah sebuah badan berkanun ditubuhkan di bawah Akta Suruhanjaya Komunikasi dan Multimedia Malaysia 1998 (AKM) yang melaksana dan mempromosikan matlamat dasar kebangsaan Malaysia bagi sektor komunikasi dan multimedia. SKMM mengawalselia dan menggalakkan pembangunan industri komunikasi dan multimedia yang merangkumi bidang telekomunikasi, penyiaran, dan juga perkhidmatan internet, pos dan pensijilan digital.


AKM mengadakan peruntukan kepada SKMM peranan melaksanakan dasar, manakala kuasa membuat keputusan tentang dasar diperuntukkan kepada Menteri. Menteri boleh juga mengeluarkan arahan mengenai dasar kepada Suruhanjaya. Untuk maklumat lanjut, layari www.skmm.gov.my


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Dengan penjelasan ni, sekarang dah faham?

Errr...apa isunya? Isu naik harga? Atau Siasatan Awal?

Kesimpulannya, naik harga ke tak ni?