Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Eid Mubarak
















Jika puasa anda telah terselamat,
dan anda telah selamat membayar zakat fitrah (on time!),
dan bajet anda masih selamat,
dan anda selamat sampai ke destinasi anda,
TAHNIAH dan.....

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITRI Posted by Picasa

Romantic? Moi?

I took a test on http://www.blogthings.com/ and here’s what the test says about me.

======================
You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

=======================


Biar bebetoi…..

Monday, October 24, 2005

Not a good day

Today is certainly not a good day. Yet, perhaps. I felt measerable physically and emotionally. My joints are acting up again. The lower back annoyed me more than usual. And I felt the familiar biting pain in my joints. Another viral attack?

Today was not a good day to be tested like this. I needed to complete the report that I'm working on. I had planned to complete chapter 3 today, at least. Then I wanted to work on chapter 4 and 5. Which are the last two chapters. I wanted to leave KK with my work done, not half-done. Hopefully I will regain my strength later in the evening.

Emotionally... I am less confident of regaining emotional stability by the end of today. I miss Marwan, but I couldn't talk to him. (something wrong with the line?). I miss my friends at home. I miss my house.. or, since I am missing it now, my HOME? Additionally. from this distance, I thought about the friends that I met.

Yang telah pergi seorang pasangan, yang kucari seorang teman, yang kujumpa beberapa kawan. Pencarian masih belum berakhir.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Kerendahan Cintaku

Kerendahan Cintaku

Dalam lembaran silamku
ada hati terbakar
hingga arangnya memahitkan
lembaran depanku

Maafkan aku
andainya cinta yang kuhamparkan di kakimu
tidak meninggikanmu
ke persada yang ingin kau capai

Maafkan aku
andainya rindu yang kutitip buatmu
tidak menyejukkanmu
dalam lena mahupun jagamu

Kerendahan cintaku
mampukah menaikkan senyummu?



Harris Shah Abd Hamid
Kuala Lumpur
22 Feb. 05

Kembali Manusia

Kembali Manusia

Perlukah kau dengar
kisah yang telah kusimpan
sedang bagiku mahuku
padamkannya dari sejarahku

Usah kau kisah
bayang-bayang di belakang
sedang mataku maluku
tidak sanggup melihatnya

Pernahkah kau bayangkan
air mataku tiada lagi
sedang hatiku inginku
menyesali yang telah berlaku

Ku akui
tak mampu selamanya kuberlari
dikejar bayang-bayang kusendiri
dan setelah kuyakini
putihnya caramu terhadapku
kulepaskan ragu-raguku
mengadu di bahumu

Dengarlah kisah bayangan
agar esokku kembali ceria
dalam diriku tahuku
tiada insan yang sempurna


Harris Shah Abd Hamid
Kota Kinabalu
15/5/2005

Seperti yang diminta

Seperti yang diminta oleh Nao….

Now, Please Stay

I used to say
please turn your eyes away
because you were looking
into me
through the many layers
I’ve built over the years

I used to say
please take your hand away
because you were touching
tender spots
through the hard skins
weathered by pain and sins

But now I know
here is where you should be
to help me peel away my shame
to help me see again
I am just another man

Because you can see
I am just another man, a human
because you can see
I have been playing the game

Harris Shah Abd Hamid
14 May 2005
Kota Kinabalu

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

History

History is written by the winners; some people say.
Now, with the internet, even losers (in addition to loosers) can write history. Everyone, with access to the internet, can tell their side of the story. So, everyone's story will be available for consumption. People have more to choose from.
So, now the maxim changes to: history is written by the bloggers. :-)

Mengenang

Pucuk pauh buah berangan
diikat-ikat dengan tali
orang jauh jadi kenangan
hendak dilupa sukar sekali

Pucuk rebung dilentur-lentur
aur meliuk disapa bayu
kasih dan sayang berbaur-baur
bila diingat hatipun sayu

Monday, October 17, 2005

A New Toy


I felt like a boy who have just gotten a new toy. Sure beats the negative feelings I had this past weeks.

I purchased a digital camera for my sister. She's in Malacca pursuing a degree in IT. She mentioned before how she could use a digital camera for her study. Now that I have the window of opportunity (in terms of timing and finance), I went to Senheng with a friend (thank you Shukor!) to buy one.

That same night, we went to Dataran Merdeka. I snapped a few shots. I like this one best. And after retouching it with Picasa, voila! Not a masterpiece, but something I'm proud to have produced.

Better produce as much as possible...before I pass the camera on to my sister at the end of this month.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Close To You

Spent last weekend with Marwan at Kuala Kangsar. It has been three weeks since I last see him. Alhamdulillah, the physical distance does not separate us emotionally.

When we were together, we can be very close physically. When he lay asleep beside me. When he insisted on taking showers together. When he would not let me go at the end of the weekend.

I feel I want to be physically close to him to compensate the days that I am not by his side. I want to be there next to him when he wakes up from sleep. I know he like to be hugged, and continue being half-asleep while I embrace him. And when driving, I wish I could lay him on my lap rather than on the car seat next to me.

But, perhaps, the physical closeness is not just a compensation. I can imagine myself kissing him, on both cheeks, and then his forehead, when he is growing older. Attending school. When he hit puberty. As he enters university. On his graduation day. Until he have someone to kiss like I kiss him.

I don’t know that I can have this much love. This is possible because I have a son. So I pray to Allah that he allow me to be a good father to Marwan. And be close to him, always.

Mirror Mirror Will You Talk?

What if you could look at yourself in the mirror?

Ok, may be that was not a profound question worthy of an answer. After all, people DO look at themselves in a mirror, almost everyday. Unless you are living a mirror-deprived existence. So, let me ask this question. “What if you can talk to a mirror?” I’m not sure this is a more profound question worthy of your penny for a thought. It is interesting for me to consider this question. Not that I have a latent tendency to be like Snow White’s step mother, but rather the question lends itself as an introduction to this entry.

If I found one – a talking mirror, not the step mother – I would not ask “who is the fairest of them all.” I know the answer is not me. You see, I have not been using any whitening cream. Nay, I will be more interested to explore the inner beauty. And the inner ugly.

At first, perhaps I’d be elated. Then scared. Elated because I am able to see myself in others. Scared because of the same reason. You see, a faithful mirror will tell you who you are, without pretense. You’d be able to see how you think. How you treat people. How you act in a given situation. How objective and subjective you can be.

Then awed. Then humbled. Awed for the simple reason that I’ve found my clone. Humbled because I can finally see myself as others see me. But awe and humility will only be felt if you learn to accept yourself. Learn how to not wince when you see a hideous side of you that you have conveniently neglected to observe previously. Learn how to not feel proud when you see what makes people attracted to you.

What would you do if you find your own talking mirror?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Buah Hati Pengarang Jantung

Marwan,
Di mana Marwan berada, dengan siapa, bila-bila.... ayah tetap ingat pada Marwan. I love you. Semoga Allah akan mendekatkan kita di dunia dan akhirat.
Tidak terlintas di hati ayah untuk menyingkirkan Marwan dari hidup ayah. Buat sementara ini, ayah bersabar berjauhan dari Marwan. Harap Marwan pun dapat bertahan berjauhan dari ayah. Jangan lupakan ayah ya. Sampai masanya, pasti ayah mahu Marwan betul-betul dekat dengan ayah.
Salam Ramadhan dari ayah. Posted by Picasa

Mendung biar di awan

Ada wajah yang sedih, tak mampu untuk kuceriakan. Ada suara yang terpendam, hanya mampu ku menunggu. Mendung biarlah di awan, bukan di wajah. Moga tercurah kekelabuan itu, ke tanah manapun, asal wajahmu kembali bersinar. Ke tanah manapun....


KIRANYA KAU DENGAR

Tidak kau lukis tidak kau garis
kesedihanmu ada di matamu
mengalir ke hatiku

Tidak kau tulis tidak kau hampar
kepiluanmu ada getarnya
menitis ke jiwaku

Izinkanlah tanganku menyentuh bahumu
untuk ku berikan sedikit kekuatan
unjukkanlah tanganmu di bahuku
untuk kusambut rintih sendumu

Kiranya kau dengar permintaanku ini
sudilah hampir ke sisiku
ungkapkanlah kisah deritamu
kiranya kau dengar alunan kasihku
kiranya kau dengar nafas kisahku

Kau tidak sendirian
dukamu bukan untuk kau seorang
aku di sini menunggu
untuk mendengar suaramu
kiranya kau dengar suaraku

Kiranya kau dengar permintaanku ini
sudilah hampir ke sisiku
ceritakanlah kisah deritamu
kiranya kau dengar alunan kasihku
(ku sudi terima)
kiranya kau dengar nafas kisahku
(ku sudi bersabar)

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Ramadhan datang lagi

Petang ni Ramadan akan menjelma lagi. Seperti di tahun-tahun lepas, aku perlu bertanya kepada diri sendiri: bagaimana akan kujadikan Ramadan ini lebih baik daripada yang sebelumnya?

Aku akan cuba untuk menambah amal yang perlu, terutama solah tarawih. Mahu berazam mennyempurnakan tarawih di setiap malam, walau 8 rakaat.
Kedua, aku akan cuba mengurangkan amal yang tak perlu. Mahu berazam meninggalkan amalan yang tidak baik. Moga bterus ditinggalkan bersama berlalunya Ramadan.

Namun, satu perkara yang aku lupa untuk perhatikan ialah pemantauan bagi perkara-perkara yang tidak termasuk dalam matlamat. Perlu juga untuk aku pastikan bahawa apa yang telah aku capai sebelum ini tidak keciciran. Moga Allah menerima amalku. Moga Ramadan mengayakan aku dengan ketakwaan. Moga Ramadan menghakiskan dosa-dosaku. Moga Syawal nanti hatiku segar untuk terus tunduk pada Allah.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Perjumpaan

Berilah aku masa untuk memahami apa yang berlaku
berilah aku peluang untuk belajar memberimu apa yang kau mahu
halanglah aku daripada memberimu apa yang kau tak perlu