Ujian Sang Nila Utama

Apa beza perempuan dan betina? Menurut Sang Nila Utama, ada bezanya. Dan dia ada ujian untuk membezakan antara kedua-duanya. Sesiapa yg pernah menonton Musang Berjanggut akan maklum tentang ujian yang dibuat untuk mencari perempuan yang layak diperisteri SNU.

I've used his test in teaching as an example of the use of deception in research. If he was being truthful, he wouldn't get a 'genuine' result. But, the point that I want to make here is not about the ethics of research, but about the wisdom behind the test. 

Basically, SNU carried a sack full of rice, sugar, salt, onions, garlic, spices, etc - all mixed up. When he passed the sack to the fair maiden of the house - of which he stayed for the night - he'd requested that she cook whatever is in the sack. All the women rejected such request. Some simply nodded their head. Some even called him mereng.  And he took note of each rejection with a knowing smile. He knew that such women are mere 'betina'. That is until he met Puspa Wangi. Her wisdom was apparent within the first few hours he was with her.  When she displayed a spread for dinner with the ingredients from his sack, he has met his 'perempuan'.

Please, please don't take me wrong. I do not endorse sexist remarks and thinking. I don't think it is women's job to cook. Women should not be in the kitchen most of the time. That's not my point. My point is the way Puspa Wangi, and men and women in general, reacted to a seemingly absurd request. The story of Nabi Khaidir a.s. and Musa a.s. demonstrate the same point. After being warned to be patient, Prophet Musa a.s. lost it and questioned Prophet Khaidir 3 times. So, it is not just women who can't bear to face a seemingly illogical behaviour.

Back to Puspa Wangi, she was in no subservient position with respect to SNU. She's not his wife. And yet, she made the effort to separate the rice from the spices. Did she know SNU would marry her if she did so? No. She did it, I think, because she thought things just didn't add up. A respectable young man like SNU - though with unkempt beard and all - does not usually carry a mix bag of food. There must be something else. She was curious. Her frontal lobe was fully functioning. I believe, SNU must have like this curiosity that PW displayed. It was a sign that she's thinking. And that makes her a proper lady.

Where am I going with this? Well, i'm getting closer to the point now. The passing month of Ramadhan means Syawal is getting nearer. And Syawal, among Malays, is invariably associated with kuih raya. Would it be treacherous for a husband to request his wife to make some kuih raya? She can either do it begrudgingly, happily, or flatly reject the request as unreasonable. "Afterall, kuih tunjuk kan ada? What's the fuss of making our own kuih? It's not like you don't have money, do you?". In light of the story just told, such responses would put the women in the 'betina' category. Not worth to be SNU's wife. Move on. 

A proper lady, according to SNU, would happily fulfill the request. It may be perplexing at first. But there are opportunities along the road to ask for justification, or rationale later on. If not from the husband, she can try to think on her own. Try to switch on the frontal lobe. Don't assume the worst for the husband.  There can be numerous reasons for the request. Below are some possible ones.

The husband would really like the wife to learn to make cookies. It is a good skill to have. Knowledge and skills upgrade are always a plus. Moreover, if later, say they have to go overseas where kuih tunjuk is not so readily available, then she would not have to worry about not having kuih for raya. Or worry about making an experimental version of biskut mazola, or some such. 

The husband may also want to part a part of his knowledge to her. He might have some skills, confidence and knowledge that he can share with her. Sort of transfer of knowlegde; not among business partner, but among life partner. And it would also mean they can spend time together in the kitchen.

Thirdly, kuih tunjuk is all right. The same way that formula milk is all right. But breast milk is always better, right? I'm not suggesting for the wife to put her breast milk as a kuih raya ingredient. Not at all. If you're thinking so, then you've lost the analogy. What' I'm trying to say is that kuih raya made at home is better. You know what you put in - no preservative, no chemicals. You know the level of cleanliness of the kitchen. And you can make it with 'penuh kasih sayang' (Mazrah and Dino's pet phrase). Admittedly, 'kasih sayang' is a very expensive ingredient. I can't see how the mass producer of cookies can put that much kasih sayang in their product. Now, I can't really tell how much kasih sayang a cookie has. It shouldn't matter to me, right? Can anyone test and declare how many grams kasih sayang is in a jar of cookies? No one really knows. But Allah does. Those kasih sayang translates into hasanah. Into redha. Into jannah, insyaAllah. 

Of course, what I've said so far would apply if the husband has as much wit and wisdom as SNU. If the wife doesn't need more cookie making skills and can resource high quality cookies from a trusted supplier, then there isn't much reason to force her to slave around in the kitchen. Especially if the husband has a chronic tendency to raise is his voice than to raise a finger. A self-respecting woman, and man, should assess themselves and their situation before making a decision. Don't commit the mistakes of numerous betina who turned down SNU, thinking he was beneath them, when in fact they were beneath him. Don't make an idiot of anyone if you're not an Einstein yourself. SNU's is just a small test. Think about the other ways Allah is testing you. Would you qualify as a proper abid, or end up as a pathetic waste of flesh.