Spent last weekend with Marwan at Kuala Kangsar. It has been three weeks since I last see him. Alhamdulillah, the physical distance does not separate us emotionally.
When we were together, we can be very close physically. When he lay asleep beside me. When he insisted on taking showers together. When he would not let me go at the end of the weekend.
I feel I want to be physically close to him to compensate the days that I am not by his side. I want to be there next to him when he wakes up from sleep. I know he like to be hugged, and continue being half-asleep while I embrace him. And when driving, I wish I could lay him on my lap rather than on the car seat next to me.
But, perhaps, the physical closeness is not just a compensation. I can imagine myself kissing him, on both cheeks, and then his forehead, when he is growing older. Attending school. When he hit puberty. As he enters university. On his graduation day. Until he have someone to kiss like I kiss him.
I don’t know that I can have this much love. This is possible because I have a son. So I pray to Allah that he allow me to be a good father to Marwan. And be close to him, always.
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kupanjatkan pada Illahi muga merestui segala harapan dan doa.