Al-'aql
It feels very sad when i start to doubt myself. I feel like climbing up a dark hole, waiting for some light to peek through the mouth of the hole. That's what I feel trying to convince myself that I am not as bad as what someone may say to me.
I've had this episode a few times, and it makes me realise that of all the things that I have, I place great importance to my mind. I could not bear to lose it. That's why it hurts so much when people made me doubt the functioning of my mind. It's quite straight forward to correct my mistakes. But when I know I'm right, and someone put the idea that I am wrong, then the integrity of my mind is threatened. I don't like it when people mess with my head.
And it doubly hurts when my head and the one I love are attacked at the same time. Don't say that i don't love and care about my son. Don't judge me when you don't know squat about me. Don't judge me when you turn blind eyes to the obvious evidence that stand plainly in front of you.
Ultimately, as a dear brother said to me, it is the judgement of Allah that matters because He knows best. It hurts. If my heart is sliced, it bleeds. I pray that my faith in Him will heal the wound, and make me stronger. And I pray the Marwan will be spared the ill-effects of pure ignorance from those around him.
I've had this episode a few times, and it makes me realise that of all the things that I have, I place great importance to my mind. I could not bear to lose it. That's why it hurts so much when people made me doubt the functioning of my mind. It's quite straight forward to correct my mistakes. But when I know I'm right, and someone put the idea that I am wrong, then the integrity of my mind is threatened. I don't like it when people mess with my head.
And it doubly hurts when my head and the one I love are attacked at the same time. Don't say that i don't love and care about my son. Don't judge me when you don't know squat about me. Don't judge me when you turn blind eyes to the obvious evidence that stand plainly in front of you.
Ultimately, as a dear brother said to me, it is the judgement of Allah that matters because He knows best. It hurts. If my heart is sliced, it bleeds. I pray that my faith in Him will heal the wound, and make me stronger. And I pray the Marwan will be spared the ill-effects of pure ignorance from those around him.
Comments
hope you bersabar byk2 k.
this is just a lil of ujian from Him.
biar lah orang nak kata ape..
yg penting.. u know where u stand.
kadang2.. orang yg dekat dgn kita tak paham ape yg kita fikirkan or maksudkan.. mungkin yg jauh lagi mengerti. vice versa...
so, i wish you kuat semangat to go through this thing and pray u always be bless.
do take care kay. ^__________^
Forgive them for their ignorance, and pray for ease and happiness for Marwan. It is not easy for the little one..
I'm an uninvited drop-by visitor. Tersinggah di sini semasa doing search on 'zhulian distributor' (i keep the reason for myself..hehe).
So, i never know u but i've read some of your writings here. May i say somethin? I know from the blog of yours that u'r an outstanding person. U doubt it? Please don't. U've gone thru so many highs and lows along your journey so far.
Beside Allah SWT, U know yourself better & i believed Marwan will know u better than u've ever expected.
Take yourself further.
tetiba termasuk blog bro..having little bit fun when reading your blog.em, just having a moment like yours. your story mengingatkan saya pd jiran saya. maybe be im not the one you knew, tapi byk perkara terjadi pd kita ada hikmahnya, tak salah kalu saya kongsi. kuatkan keyakinan pdNYA yang Esa. kalu Allah tak sayang kita Dia takkan uji kita. jiran saya tu, 1st marriage bertahan selama 2 minggu je. perempuan tu kata tak nak dia sebab dah ada kekasih. so, perkahwinan yang berlangsung mewah terpaksa dihentikan sekelip mata. 2nd marriage, dia ada sorang anak dengan isterinya ni. dah berumur lebih kurang 5 thn. tapi dia dah bercerai dengn isterinya tu. masa tengah kandungkan anak, perempuan tu cakap 'saya tak nak anak ni, abang jagalah nanti'. mungkin dia hanya bergurau, tapi rupanya jadi kenyataan. agak lama single, akhirnya dia bertemu jodoh dengan isteri sekarang, sorang janda anak empat. kawin dengan rahmat Allah.. isteri dia pun mendapat nasib yang lebih kurang sama dengan dia- tiada cinta sejati. Apa yang saya nak yakinkan bro, ujian akan sentiasa datang dan bukan bro sorang aje yang diuji. kekadang ujian datang sebagai kifarah perbuatan kita kepada orang lain. kita mungkin tak perasan ada orang terseksa and terhina kerana kita, atau kita dah buat sesuatu yang tak betul pada dia tanpa kita sedar. Allah Maha Adil, betul tak? saya sendiri penah alami ujian mcm ni...bila hati tak tenang dan akhirnya saya tau someone dah terluka kerana saya, so saya tahu tu kifarah buat saya. jalan paling mulia dan tepat, muhasabah diri. get hablun minallah and hablun minannaas sebaiknya. minta maaf pada Allah selalu, dan juga dari yang mungkin kita ada dosa dengan mereka..apatah lagi mak ayah bro. i hope you will get married with someone better that fully understand you. anak merupakan pinjaman dari Allah, semua orang mesti tahu tanggungjawabnya sebagai sorang hamba. teruskan doa untuk anak bro..saya amat faham keadaan bro, sama seperti jiran saya tu. Timaseh.
I hope I will get strength in moments of weakness.